President Donald J. Trump skipped his regular golf tee time last Thursday to personally approve blueprints for what he called “the greatest, most elegant ballroom ever built in a high school, probably the world, besides my own,” according to sources closest to the project.
Construction will reportedly begin a week from now on what used to be the large auditorium, science wing and Egress of Shaker Heights High School. The new facility, named after the school’s principal, will be called The Wyatt Grand Shaker Ballroom. The ballroom will feature imported Italian marble, 41 chandeliers and a sound system that only plays MGK and Kid Cudi.
Principal Isaiah Wyatt told reporters that he is grateful but confused. “It will be beautiful, sure,” Wyatt said at a press conference in front of White House correspondents. “But we were really hoping for funding for a working heating system, or to paint the lockers red. With all the cuts, it will be hard to pitch ballroom dancing classes to the district.”
Trump defended the decision at his own press conference held Nov. 27 in the James S. Brady Press Briefing Room. “This is going to be really tremendous for Shaker Heights. Incredible dancing, very classy education,” he said. “They tell me this place is full of smart kids, genius kids, the best and now they’ll have somewhere to learn about luxury.”
Reports indicate that the chandelier budget alone surpassed the school’s annual budget. Wyatt said he does not know how the district will purchase ladders tall enough to
reach the millions of required lightbulbs. “We’ve already had to cut ELL and Quidditch programs in the past years. I think we might need to pass another levy for the ballroom,” he said.
Students hoped the district would host prom in the new ballroom, but the facility is booked solid. Trump plans to use the venue for the Trump Freedom Gala, featuring the high school jazz band, a planetarium show and his formal endorsement of Vivek Ramaswamy for Ohio governor.
After FBI director Kash Patel saw the blueprints for the facility, he expressed awe. “Only President Trump could bankroll a ballroom in a city I’ve never heard of,” Patel said. “It’s breathtaking. Marble floors, chandeliers and mirrors everywhere so Mr. President can admire himself from every angle. It’s completely unnecessary, but flawless.”
Patel said he was caught off guard when aides told him that Terry Rozier is from Shaker Heights. “The basketball player? From here? Maybe I’ll fast-track his pardon application. Anyone from a city getting a Trump ballroom deserves consideration.”
Trump said he doesn’t plan on stopping with the high school ballroom. “I was walking around, and I noticed the south gym; nobody is using it, it’s a total waste, very sad,” Trump said. “So maybe, just maybe, we build the greatest tower Ohio’s ever seen. We’ll call it the Glasner Tower. People will talk about it forever. It’ll be taller than anything in the state, believe me. Or, you know what? Maybe I just put a big, beautiful statue of myself right in that courtyard. It’s so plain, so boring, needs a little class, a little beauty,” he said.
Trump waved off Shakerite questions about the cost of the ballroom project. “Look, I love the kids, I really do, but journalists? Not my favorite people,” he said. “Always asking about budgets, about costs. Very negative. Nobody ever asks, ‘Mr. President, how did you pick such beautiful chandeliers?’ That’s the real story. That’s what people want to know.”
After White House correspondents showed Wyatt the blueprints while standing in what used to be the science wing, Wyatt began brainstorming solutions for the displaced classes. “I guess we’ll figure out where to teach chemistry,” he said. “Maybe the parking lot.”
Trump called the project his greatest contribution to education. The school is currently accepting donations for textbooks.
A version of this article appears in print on page 12 of Volume 96, Issue 3, published Dec. 15, 2025.
