Vibrating Tattoo Solves Our Energy Crisis

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As a kid you probably wanted to be a robot or Buzz Lightyear. Look no further, your childhood dream is one step closer to reality. This technologically advanced nation has come up with your perfect solution. You can now get a tattoo with ferromagnetic ink, which will receive magnetic waves from your cell phone, causing your skin to vibrate every time someone contacts you.

In this day and age communication is super important. Any delay could be a matter of life or more interesting life. It just takes too much time to reach into your pocket, this we know. It’s inconveniently located on the bottom half of your body, and your hand is always a good three to four inches away. That’s just too far. Maybe you keep your phone in your sleeve, but even then, it takes effort to pull it out of your sleeve. For those of you who like the way technology works today, your tattoo can come in the shape of a pants pocket.

All that effort spent reaching into your pocket can use up a lot of your energy. We’re only human and we have limited expendable energy each day. This invention could bridge the gap between man and machines. That robot that you always dreamed of becoming won’t run out of energy. We could have computer screens projected from our eyes and instead of typing, we could just speak our essays and the computer would type them for us. And of course, all of this would be in addition to having a tattoo that vibrates to tell you that your phone is ringing. Soon we won’t be humans anymore. We’ll be robots. Robots with tattoos.

And that’s not all these tattoos can do. Not only will they vibrate when you get a text, but they’ll vibrate when people around you get a text, too! Ferromagnetic ink isn’t discriminating. Your tattoo will pick up any phone’s magnetic waves in the immediate area, and your arm will buzz. Your entire lunch table’s arms will buzz when your mom texts you what time she’s picking you up.

These are just the things tattoos can do now. You will be able to customize your tattoo tones or vibration patterns for phones calls, text messages, video and picture messages, voicemail, and calendar appointments. According to the Finnish company, Nokia, the tattoo can even tell you when your phone battery is low.

As the bonus with purchase, you will never have to buy another alarm clock. In fact, the vibrating tattoo could do away with the alarm clock industry entirely. For those of you who are super popular, with your phone ringing off the hook, your tattoo will wake you. Your friends will never have to wait more than seconds for a response to the latest text because they will wake you up. With that you won’t be able to sleep and, fortunately for you, you will never be late for school again.

OK, now, let’s get real.

We all know that technology has taken over our minds, but do we really want it to take over our bodies?  Our parents yell at us for checking our phones under the table, but the alternative is having our arms vibrate throughout the meal. This approved patent hasn’t come to reality quite yet, but if it does we may have to check our phones if we don’t want to look like we are having seizures all the time.

If that’s what it takes to be a robot, it may not be all that it’s cracked up to be.

A version of this article appeared in print on 24 April 2012, on page 5 of The Shakerite.

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