How to Walk Up the Down Stairs and Down the Up Stairs: Don’t

We’ve all done it. In a moment of weakness, with seconds to spare in between classes. The coast is clear; no security guards in sight. You can practically hear it calling your name. Every fiber of your being is telling you to stop. You know it’s wrong, but you can’t help yourself. So you do the impossible, the unspeakable. You go up the down stairs.

Look, I get it. I’ve gone to this school for three years. I understand how inconvenient it feels to walk past a perfectly good stairwell, down a crowded hallway, just to reach a stairwell leading to the exact same place. But here’s the thing: the up and down stairs are like the Kardashians. Everyone hates them, but what would the world be without them?

Picture this: you’re muddling through your typical school day. The bell rings and you’re released into the organized chaos we call hallways. You realize you’re on the first floor, and your next period class is on the second. But wait, you have to navigate through the dreaded main office hallway to the upstairs. By the time you fight your way through the slow walkers and hallway cloggers, up the free-for-all main stairwell, and run the 100 meter dash to your classroom, the bell has already rung, and you are late.

Now, let me ask you this: do you want this to be you? Do you have a burning desire to top off your stressful school day with disorganized stairwells? Me neither! So do the school a favor: don’t walk up the down stairs or down the up stairs. Just don’t do it. You don’t really want to be THAT person, who holds up the whole stairwell, do you? I didn’t think so.

However, as with all rules, there are a few exceptions. For example, you find out at a moment’s notice that the cafeteria is handing out free pizza to the first fifty students who get there. In which case: run, Forest, run.  Or maybe you’re a die-hard One Direction fan (believe me, I’ve been there), and Harry Styles casually strolls through the front door. Let nothing stand in your way. Point is, there are very few instances in which I would personally condone you breaking stairwell etiquette.

Let’s cut to the chase, people. The up and down stairs are a pain. We all hate them. We all suffer. But there’s no reason for you not to obey the rules. Am I ‘Rite?

This post originally appeared in the Opinion section’s new blog, Am I ‘Rite.


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